After years of carefully planning my life—marriage, career, and starting five businesses—I’ve learned a thing or two about flexibility. Or as some people call it now: pivoting. Whether it was by choice or out of necessity, I’ve had to change directions more times than I can count. But, I am not complaining. Having to try something new made me stronger, more creative, and definitely more resilient.
Some of life’s biggest curveballs have taught me my most valuable lessons: from my divorce, coming out as gay, and to being diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. Each event pulled the rug out from under me but also opened new doors. Similar to the TV Game show Let’s Make A Deal, I always had more than one choice not knowing what was behind the curtain.
And I know I’m not alone in that. Life doesn’t come with a map, and we all get thrown off course sometimes. Maybe you’re in one of those moments right now, standing at a crossroads, wondering what to choose next. If so, know this: you’re not the only one. We’re all doing the best we can with what we’ve been given.
In college I majored in radio, television, and film with the dream of becoming a TV writer, director, or producer. But everything changed when I landed an internship at the local TV station in the news department. I hadn’t planned on a career in broadcast news, but I fell in love with the storytelling, the urgency, the impact. So, I gave up my initial plan and embraced a new direction.
As a local broadcaster, I became laser-focused on working my way up the ladder to a network job. I was almost there. I was working in New York at NBC, eyeing that next big leap, when my husband decided he wanted to leave the city. I chose to shift direction again—this time, for love and marriage.
That relationship didn’t last forever, but the lessons did. Like a big pot of chili, life simmers with a mix of ingredients you don’t always expect. Some are spicy, some are sweet, and a few might burn a little going down—but together, they make you who you are.
I don’t regret any of the choices I made. Every twist, every detour helped shape me into the person I am today. And despite the unpredictability, I’ve learned how to be the best version of me.
So what can you do when life doesn’t go as planned? Here are a few reminders:
1. Pivot with purpose.
Changing direction isn’t a sign of failure. It’s often where growth begins. If something doesn’t feel right anymore, it’s okay to switch lanes—even if you don’t have the full map.
2. Let go of the timeline.
There’s no “right age” to start over, come out, change careers, fall in love again, or chase a new dream. Life isn’t linear—it’s more like a zigzag. You just have to make your own path and trust your instincts.
3. Don’t confuse control with certainty.
You can do all the right things and still be surprised. The goal isn’t to control every outcome—it’s to adapt, respond, and keep moving forward.
4. Rewrite the story.
Just because the original script didn’t work out doesn’t mean the show’s over. You’re the author. You get to reimagine what comes next.
5. Stay soft but grounded.
Flexibility doesn’t mean being flimsy. It means being like a tree—rooted but able to bend in the storm.
If there’s one thing I know for sure: life rarely goes according to plan—but that doesn’t mean it’s gone wrong. Sometimes, the detour is the destination.
Written by Candace Schoner, Host and Producer of the podcast Voices for Mental Health, streaming on Spotify and Apple podcasts.