by Christine Lazorishak
I was taught to put others before myself. I learned early in life not to be “selfish”. The idea of choosing my needs over another’s produces a great deal of guilt for me. At some point, I came to believe it was my job to keep everyone happy. All. The. Time. Say the right thing. Do the right thing. Anticipate needs and meet them. I know I am not alone, as I always hear similar stories.
Where is the line drawn? How do we unlearn the lessons of our elders?
At 51, I am only just now grasping the idea of what is referred to as “self-care”. The concept of putting myself first leaves me feeling uncomfortable, lazy, and left with a sense of failing. It has been my job for so long to take care of my family physically and emotionally. I struggle with setting boundaries, but I’m trying to learn.
This is hard to change when life, emotions, and actions are ever-evolving. Each day is full of choices, little and small. Relationships can be challenging and have different parameters. What you might say to one person, you might not say to another. If you are like me, you are careful about what you say and just as careful about what not to say for fear of a negative reaction. The energy that goes into analyzing all the right or wrong outcomes is exhausting. It can be overwhelming.
You may wonder why I am sharing all of this. The short answer is that I have lost sight of my own needs.
Right now I need to choose me.
I have been a mental health advocate for years. Even though it has drained me at times, the passion to help others struggling with their mental health has continued to pull me back in even when I knew it was not good for my own mental health. During my time as Co-host for Voices for Mental Health, I’ve realized there are many things from my journey that I have not yet healed from and I have to work on my own healing if I want to help others.
I have found myself in conflict, trying to choose between my personal peace and a cause that is so very important to me. Honestly, it hurts my heart to realize that I am not in a place to be doing mental health advocacy. It is easy to compartmentalize, but it is important to listen to my inner voice. The voice that is saying, “I need something different.”
Wanting to help others is important to me, it always will be and I will likely come back to the cause at some point. For now, though, I need to take a step back and choose me. I hope that if you are struggling to put yourself first, this might inspire you to listen closely to what your heart and mind are telling you. It is ok to choose yourself. It is an act of self-love even if your brain tells you it is not. Keep fighting for what you need.
Right now I need to choose me, which is a bit of a foreign concept. It is very uncomfortable, but it is time. Remember, it is ok to make yourself a priority. Leave the guilt behind.
Thank you for embracing me as your Co-host. I’ve been honored to hear your stories and celebrate your triumphs!